Waiting
by BelleEpoque17
Summary: Unexpected


_Hush now, let's go quiet to the park where it first started_

_Cold night, us lying in the dark_

_**I felt my heart was trying to find a place for you to stay,**_

_**A place where I feel safe**_

_Anything we have known, anything we've forgotten_

_In the rain, in the dark we'll lay; in your arms, in your arms I'll stay_

_Take my hand, let's go into the trees_

_Behind the branches, falling on our knees_

_**I remember feeling like this part of us would never change**_

_**Follow me, we both know the way- it's always been the same**_

_**Kina Grannis**_

Saturday brings quiet and grey, a steel-coloured sky that muffles the sounds of the city with low, thick clouds. Katherine fingers the rim of her coffee cup vacantly as she stares out her window into the relatively empty street below her. Bittersweetness lingers on her tongue though the coffee is long gone. The foam left a ring of little brown circles all along the inside of the mug. Such a grey day should at least be able to procure a rain to validate its greyness. It is cold and damp outside, but she has no excuse to stay in because it isn't raining. She stays curled up in her chair with her knees folded up to her chin, feeling lazy and useless and bored.

When she rises, it feels like every motion is controlled by something other than herself. It's so mechanical and remote that she feels like a puppet. Something is compelling her to move, and she obeys without thinking about it. Picks up her coat sighingly. Puts on a pair of jeans to replace the leggings, and a pair of shoes to replace the chilly bare feet. Then it's lock the door behind her and head aimlessly out into the suddenly busy street. Had the world come alive just for her?

The sidewalk is slick and shiny from moisture, and she can see the blurred, colourful reflections of people indistinguishable from each other rushing busily past. She stands on the corner, away from the edge, and watches as the feet descend onto the mirror image and seem to float away without ever touching down to the ground. Tiny, stinging sprinkles of water ping silently against her skin and lace themselves through her hair. Umbrellas open as a precautionary measure. But she stands still and feels the wetness gather along her cheekbones and the ridge of her nose.

She could have been caught off guard to see him standing across from her in a similar position, but as it is she is only mildly surprised. He senses her watching him from across the street and looks directly at her, meeting her eyes with an expression of much more of the astonishment that she was not exhibiting. It is lonely, she thinks to herself, in this city full of people. But here is Rick.

They must have met in the middle somehow; she wasn't paying attention. Having not spoken a single word aloud all morning, she was surprised to hear her own voice greeting him softly and coolly, drifting from her throat in a wisp of white cloud that betrays just how chilly she is. She has always been pale, but the air turns her skin rose petal white against the stark contrast of her dark hair.

He, on the other hand, is fairly glowing. He exhales abruptly and leaves a matching white cloud trailing from his lips. "Kate," he says deliciously, his eyes bright and alert. The cold weather makes him feel alive and awake and a little on edge. Kate leads him to a place where they can sit and finds a quaint little iron bench where they both sink down with a sigh. This rain has a good chance of turning into snow.

For a long time they stay there without speaking, getting wet and not caring. Castle wasn't cold before, but now when Kate steals a glance in his direction, she sees him shivering ever so slightly. He has crossed his arms tightly, and he stares straight ahead like he knows that he shouldn't say anything to her. It's a bit too studious, the way he avoids her, but she appreciates it all the same. She lifts her hand to push away a limp strand of hair that has fallen into her eyes, and he uses the sudden motion as an excuse to look over at her.

Twenty-four inches between them. It's quite a distance, considering. She blows out her breath abruptly, feeling numb and stiff and colder than ever. Her lips are stained bright red from the wind. Castle's expression is uncertain and a little bit nervous. He wants to warm her, but knows that to do so he would have to cross quite a few lines. But he can't let her go on like this. He's torn, and she sees it written all over his face.

Her heart flutters but she keeps her demeanor stony and cool, pondering her options. The wind ruffles his hair, the bite of it bringing colour to his cheeks and the tip of his nose and ears. Still they haven't spoken, but Kate feels perfectly content that way. Talking isn't one of the popular options she has come up with.

Castle has been studying her, and it appears that he's decided he should let her go this time. She can see him thinking up an excuse - his lips part, his eyes flicker vacantly from her face to the street, and he slides his hands into his pockets. He's going to get up any minute now and leave. She closes the twenty-four inches.

"I'm cold," she says, looking directly into his eyes, hoping for some understanding. They seem to grow bluer and softer. He closes his mouth and barely nods, clearly caught off his guard. Then he pulls her into him, carefully placing his fingertips on the very edge of her shoulder and leaving his other hand in his pocket, fearful of being too forward. Kate is a little unsure of herself as well. The warmth she wanted but didn't really need seeps through her coat and right into her bloodstream, racing through her veins straight to her heart and back again. Slowly she sinks deeper and deeper into him, resting her head in the hollow at the base of his throat, and slowly he wraps himself all around her.

A sigh of happiness escapes before he can stop it, but it's so quiet that he thinks perhaps she didn't hear. She feels it brush across the top of her head. Bravely she pulls his hand out of his coat pocket and touches his fingertips to her lips, feeling their heat and pressure. Her heart beats faster and her breath comes slower.

He leans down to rest his head on her hair. Tiny strands entangle themselves in his eyelashes and tickle feather light whenever he blinks. Nobody looks at them. They're just two people that no one knows, sitting on a bench in the gentle rain. New York is a city of rainbow colours on grey, and they are just another bright spot amidst the concrete and steel.

For many, many reasons, tears slip from Kate's eyes, hot and salty, mixing with the raindrops gathered on her cheeks. They travel down past her nose and around her lips, some of them falling onto Castle's hand. He moves and cups the hand around her jaw, grazing her earlobe, and holds her closer to his chest, to his heart. Some things go too deep for words, he knows, and she blossoms with love for him. Her face tenses and she wins the battle against sobbing aloud. Instead she draws in a long, shaky breath, her brows drawn together and her eyes shut tight in an effort to be strong. It's hard to be strong when you are with someone who knows your weaknesses. She presses her lips together, still fighting.

The street noise drowns out the thudding of his heart. If he could rip it out for her and exchange it with her broken one, he would. Anything to stop her hurting. There's nothing he can say, and nothing he knows of that he can do. It is a miracle that she wants him there with her right now. He loves her so much for letting him stay. For letting him hold her. For letting him be there when she is most vulnerable. But mostly he just loves her. The ache of it is so great that he wants to crush her in his arms. He cradles her, unable to see her tears from above her, but feeling each shuddering sigh immensely as if it were his own pain.

"Kate," he breathes out raggedly. He doesn't know what to say. "I'm here." It's not enough. There should be more. There should be comfort and empathy -

She shifts in his close embrace and touches her lips to his. They are still salty from her tears, and more tears are still falling, but she moves her hands to his face and runs her fingers down his jaw, feeling the light stubble graze her skin. Her eyes remain fervently closed like she imagines that if she can't see him, then he can't see her. He answers her very gently and cautiously, pausing only to kiss beneath her eyelashes, then returns to her lips again. It doesn't last long before she can't hold out anymore and she starts sobbing. The harmony of their lips moving together is broken by the anguished curl of her mouth. He pulls away and watches her helplessly, her head still cupped in his hand.

"I'll hurt you, Castle," she says hoarsely, shaking against him as she tries to breathe. He shakes his head, protesting no never, but she cuts him off. "I will hurt you, and it will be purposeful, and I will never hate myself more than that moment. I'm afraid," and her voice cracks and it takes a moment for her to continue. "Because I know I'll lose you, but I love you and so I have to tell you the truth. I -"

"No, Kate, stop," he orders, capturing her face with both hands and forcing her to look at him. "Not now, Kate. You don't need to yet. I didn't know that -" his expression momentarily changes to shining wonder and innocence, tempered only by the gravity of his words. "That you love me -" He stops now, too caught up in this new revelation to speak. He looks into her red-rimmed eyes earnestly, searching for truth. He sees it and is satisfied. "That's enough for me," he tells her. "You are always enough for me. Even if you didn't...love me...Oh, Kate...It wouldn't matter. There is no way you could ever lose me. Nothing you could do, nothing you could say, even if you told me you hated me and you meant it. I said I'd wait, and I'll wait forever. So you can wait a little more."

"The truth," she cries brokenly -

"Wait." There is no argument.

"Castle -"

"Wait."

"You'll change your mind," she says in a small voice.

"How could I ever?" he says fervently. "Look at you, you love me! You're here, you're risking so much for someone who doesn't deserve you, and you love me -"

"I love you," she parrots, trembling a little as she says it, overwhelmed by the weight of the words. "I love you, Castle."

"I love you, Kate, and I can wait a little longer. The wall's still there, I can see it. Destroy the wall first, like you wanted, and come to me when you're whole again. Then it will be time for all the truths we've never spoken. I don't need the truth right now, Kate, I just need..." he hesitated and thought. Kissed her ear while he thought. "I just need..."

"What do you need?" she asks, and she's a little frightened.

"Nothing," he realizes, and looks at her wonderingly. "I'll just wait."

"Okay." She nods clumsily and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling. "I know that things can't change just yet," she says thickly. "But can we...stay here just a little bit longer?"

He's tender and serious and far too kind. "We can stay here forever."

**she loves him, so she doesn't want to tell him the truth because she knows it will hurt him and she's afraid of losing him, but she also knows that because she loves him she needs to tell him the truth, even if it means losing him. that's my reasoning. i look forward to how they'll deal with this on the show.**


End file.
